Frustrating Day

I apologize for the long rant today, I just need to put my feelings somewhere and maybe others will understand my frustration with my ex husband. 

To my (ex) family (although I will always think of you as my family), I'm not trying to hurt you with this and I know you raised him to not be this way - like I said, I'm only getting my feelings out and maybe helping someone else if they have ex issues like mine.

Yesterday was a really frustrating and emotional day for me.  I've been really passive about my ex for a lot of reasons.  One, because it was just easier to ignore him since he wasn't interested in making an effort to spend time with the girls.  Two, because when we fight - it gets nasty and I didn't want to have to deal with that.  And three, well, I just DIDN'T want to deal with him - I've moved on to a WONDERFUL husband and stepfather to the girls and I don't want to go back and deal with him if I don't have to. 

However, there is a small possibility that he will actually follow through with his threats about leaving the state for schooling, he says he has to disappear for a few years so he can afford all of his kids and have a life (Um, shouldn't you have thought about that maybe three kids ago?).  Even if he doesn't leave the state, I still had some legal business with him.  He's about $15K behind in child support and has never paid me a dime of his daycare obligation (also now in the $15K range).  I needed to go after him now before his girlfriend maybe made a claim for child support on their baby (if she's smart - she won't stay - but I doubt she's smart enough).

Since October I've been trying to have him served with papers.  He's dodged the sheriff every time they've come knocking.  We've had a few court dates scheduled, but because we had not gotten him served, we couldn't go forward.  About three weeks ago we finally got service by hiring a constable (they can make service anytime - the sheriff would only go during the day).  We finally had our day in court yesterday - or so I thought that's what was going to happen. 

Since I had not heard a word from him (which is what has happened in the past - he calls me up screaming and ranting at me), I was apprehensive about whether he'd even show up or not.  I got there super early and waited for Mr. S and my lawyer to get there.  I almost had a panic attack about my ex getting there before Mr. S - I needed him with me for support.  Luckily, Mr. S rode in like the knight he is and was able to calm me down and hold my hand.  Why did I not want him there before Mr. S?  Mostly because I didn't want any ranting and I didn't want him acting like he wanted to see the girls when his actions over the last 6 months showed he didn't, I knew it would probably turn into a fight - not a good thing in the middle of a courthouse.

My lawyer got there about 10 minutes before we were suppossed to go in.  We went over what was going to happen and what I was suppossed to say.  When it got to be 9 am and he still wasn't there I was a lot more calm - I wouldn't have to face him.  My lawyer also assumed he wasn't showing up and had me fill out the paperwork for a warrant for arrest (He's already been found in contempt - this was a trial for show of cause - he needed to come up with some reason why he's not paying - or make plans for meeting the obligation and since the state automatically splits his payments that come in with me and his other ex, he'd have to meet both obligations).

We only had a few minutes before we were going in and guess who comes around the freaking corner making a bunch of excuses about how he was lost.  Grrr...  Not only that but he freaking sits RIGHT next to my husband - why would he do that?  My lawyer came out of the office where he was talking to the judge and suggested we go to another part of the hallway and he'd come and get us. 

When they were ready, my lawyer brought us and my ex into the room and asked my ex a bunch of questions about where he currently lives and where he currently works and how much he makes, etc.  The questions all went fine until he started a rant about how I lied in court when we got a divorce and blah, blah, blah.  If I hadn't had my lawyer there - I would have jumped across the table and wrung his neck.  What is he talking about!  When you get a divorce you have to show PROOF, I used our previous tax return.  What, does he think I'm so cute that I just walked up to the judge, flashed my eyelashes and poutey face to get whatever I wanted?  About two years after our divorce he took me back to court and we got a modification so he was paying about $400 a month less than before - so what his excuse now?!  I kept my mouth shut like my lawyer told me to do though.

After the questions, my lawyer explained the situation to my ex and he started getting a worried look on his face when he realized the situation.  The judge came in and started going through the whole docket process and asking who was present, etc.  When he got to my ex and mentioned that he was not represented and had a right to representation - my ex spoke up and said he didn't realize how serious this was and wanted a lawyer.  WHAT!?!  YOU DIDN'T REALIZE HOW SERIOUS THIS WAS!!!!  ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME!!! You've had three weeks to decide if you need a lawyer!  The freaking papers you were served with said SHOW OF CAUSE FOR CONTEMPT OF COURT!!!  Everyone knows what contempt of court is!!  Ugh, I SO wanted to jump across the table and really kill him this time.  GRR...

The judge said that since he wanted a lawyer, we'd have a continuation for two weeks.  He gets two weeks to lawyer up (what is he going to do in two weeks that he didn't in three weeks?  How is he going to afford it if he can't pay me?) (how many of you want to make bets on him actually showing up next time?  He'll either run - like he's done all his life; or he's so SURE of himself that he'll show up thinking he can win by saying I'm a liar.). 

So not only did I have to go through this once - I freaking have to go through it all over again!

Oh, and to put the icing on the cake - on his way out the door he asked me if he could call me to see the girls.  Before I could say yes because I'm a sucker and then screen my calls later, my lawyer cut in and said he needed to call him instead to make arrangements - no talking to me (as much as I hate paying the lawyer all this money - I love having someone else handle him).  So, I doubt the girls will be going anywhere, at least in the next two weeks.

Ugh, frustrating day - really frustrating situation.