This is a new blog I’m following and I thought it was great for blended families like ours: The original post is at: blendedfamilysoapopera.com
Top 5 New Year’s Resolutions Every Stepmother Should Make:
1. I will carve out 30 minutes a day just for me. Whether it’s taking a walk, reading a book, relaxing in a bubble bath or watching my favorite television show, I will make sure to make some “ME” time.
2. I will resolve not to make EVERYBODY IN THE STEPFAMILY’S problems my own by focusing on “fixing” something that I didn’t break in the first place.
3. I will not force the issue of being one big happy family and instead, allow my relationship with my stepchildren to naturally evolve (whether that takes 2 years or 10 years).
4. I will support my husband and offer advice when and if necessary, but ultimately allow him to handle issues with his ex-wife and trust that he will make decisions that are best for our marriage and family.
5. I will not blame the ex-wife for issues that MY HUSBAND can control. For example, if he goes over to fix her kitchen sink, I won’t be upset with her for asking. I’ll be upset with HIM for going. (Not a problem in our house luckily)
Top 5 New Year’s Resolutions Every Divorced Mom Should Make:
1. I will NOT make my issues with the divorce, my ex-husband’s remarriage and/or his wife, my childrens’ issues. (I’ve been bad lately and have started to drag them into my child support issue with my ex so that they understand why I’m angry with him – I need to not do that)
2. I will reclaim and embrace my sense of independence. (I already have this – maybe it’s more for people not over their exes)
3. I will carve out 30 minutes a day just for me. Whether it’s taking a walk, reading a book, relaxing in a bubble bath or watching my favorite television show, I will make sure to make some “ME” time.
4. I will not intrude upon or attempt to control my ex-husband’s household just because my children go over for visitation. (Not a problem – I don’t want anything to do with his household)
5. I will encourage and support my childrens’ relationships with their father, stepmother and any half or step-siblings that they have. (I do encourage this – but I haven’t made an effort for them to see them since he hasn’t)
Top 5 New Year’s Resolutions Every Remarried Dad Should Make:
1. I will demand the same positive behavior from my children that I did prior to the divorce and not overcompensate out of guilt. No more permissive parenting!
2. I will honor and protect my marriage and not allow any issues that I encounter with my ex-wife to wreak havoc on my marriage.
3. I will realize that I don’t have to share every little thing with my ex-wife just because we share children together. She does not get an all access pass into my life just because we share a child, no matter how she tries to convince me otherwise. (Not a problem – Mr.S keeps crazy as far out of his life as possible)
4. I will nurture my marriage instead of nurturing my divorce.
5. I will never take my wife for granted and make every effort to understand her position in our family.
Top 5 New Year’s Resolutions Divorced Parents Should Make:
1. We will work to communicate effectively in order to co-parent our children.
2. We realize that divorce means that although we are co-parenting partners, we are no longer life partners, and it’s completely okay for us to lead totally separate lives.
3. We will emotionally disengage ourselves from the divorce and each other, and allow our intellect, not our emotions to dictate what’s best for our children.
4. Whenever possible, we will work to be on the same page regarding discipline and other areas in which we need to present a unified front for our children.
5. We will not work tirelessly to alter our childrens’ reality and instead, move past the divorce so that our children can do the same.
Top 5 New Year’s Resolutions Every Remarried Couple Should Make:
1. We will carve out at least one night per month that is just for us. Whether it is sitting at home watching our favorite movie, going out for dinner and a movie or just sitting by the fire and talking, we will make sure that we have date night. (We REALLY need to re-initiate this)
2. We will not allow our respective emotional baggage and the drama of our divorces to consume every aspect of our marriage.
3. We will realize that maintaining our present marriage is much more important that “fixing” our divorces.
4. We will make decisions that affect our household together and realize that neither one of our ex-spouses do get a vote on certain matters.
5. We will develop a co-parenting policy for our household and work to present a unified front to any children that reside there, be it part-time or full-time.
Overall, stepfamilies should use the New Year to start fresh and focus on moving forward instead of constantly looking back. Remember, to learn from your past, but don’t live it in and then move on! It is what’s healthy for everyone, including your children.
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