Mr. S is very much a "boy" person. He gets boys, relates to them, and is closer to his sons than I've ever seen a dad. When he and I met he had a hard time relating to the girls and their drama. Getting into their activities was a whole new experience since he's only ever done the boy-stuff. Over the last three years he's really tried to support the girls and be there for them. It's the best gift of all that he could give me.
When I got separated/divorced, it ran through my head over and over how sorry I felt for my daughters that they didn't have their dad full time (I was very close to my dad - I was the apple in his eye) - I thought he was an "okay" dad and they seemed to really love each other. Once Mr. S came into our life - I really saw the dad I wished my daughters had. It's a relationship that none of us can force though and I think we've gone about it the right way - we've just let it meld into what it would be. Over the last year my ex has become completely absent in my daughter's lives - it's sad - but I think it's been for the best. They've flourished in the last year and I know as kids grow, they change, but we've seen a SIGNIFICANT change in the girls. LMS more so though. She loves his support in her sports and the one on one attention she gets from him when he helps her with things.
Last weekend when I was coaching her team, another girl was late and making excuses that her dad didn't know which town our game was in. LMS turned to her and said,"My mom and dad always know where my games are". I didn't say anything at the time, but in the back of my head I kept thinking "Does she mean Mr. S?"
Later in the game, I had her and another teammate sitting out. The teammate's dad was siting next to Mr. S and she climbed up in her dad's lap. A few minutes later I noticed LMS wasn't next to me anymore and had climbed up into Mr. S's lap - mimicing her friend.
Last Sunday, on Mother's Day, LMS and I were having "girlie" time and painting our nails in my bathroom. I asked her what she meant by "my mom and dad" and she said she meant Mr. S when she said dad. She said she felt weird just calling him by his name. She continued on, saying that he is more a dad to her than her real dad (I told you she's intelligent). I asked her why she felt that way and she told me that it was because he did stuff with her, and went to her games and stuff, and buys her things. I explained to her that, yes, Mr. S does care A LOT about her and wants her to be happy. She will always have her dad, but I explained that Mr. S can also be there for her. She thought about that some and asked if she should start calling him Daddy.
I was SO overwhelmed with emotion at this point, here's my 6/7 year old talking to me about some pretty deep, self-defining things. Not only has she figured out a lot of really grown up releationship things, but she's also comfortable enough to talk to me about them.
Anyway, I told her she could call him whatever she felt comfortable with. That if she chose to do that - it didn't mean that she didn't have her other daddy - it would just mean that she was EXTRA special and had two.
She's gone back and forth the last week between calling him by name and saying daddy. I notice she does it a lot more when she's around her friends/schoolmates, maybe it's so she feels more in place with her other friends. Either way, I'm so proud of her, happy that the girls do have such a wonderful role-model in their life, and I just love my husband SO much more for being that person. It takes a lot for a man to "father" someone else's children.
JrMsS isn't in the same place as her sister - I know she still holds on to the idea that her dad will come back, but I have noticed that she shows Mr. S a lot more respect than before and that's a start.
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