WHY do my daughters have to experience so much heartbreak over some dumb-butt who they call their dad? HOW do I protect them? I’m SO tired of seeing them hurt over his actions (or actually his non-action).
The girls and I were driving to school this morning and on the radio they were talking about co-habitating and marriage and how whether or not you live with someone before marriage isn’t always an indicator of a long-term marriage. One of the DJ’s mentioned something about how he’s known couples who lived together many years and then after they got married they divorced 6 months later. LMS asked me how long MrS and I had been married and I told her a little over a year. Then JrMsS asks when they’re going to see their dad. I’m not exactly sure where she got that from the conversation – maybe about couples breaking up with kids.
My heart crumbled at that – although it was dark – I could hear in her voice that she was on the verge of tears. This topic hasn’t come up since Christmas, even Father’s Day they didn’t actually ask to see him, just to send him the cookies they made for him, which I ended up letting them eat themselves. I’ve seen and had to deal with him this year (unfortunately), but they haven’t seen him in over a year.
I explained to her that I haven’t heard from their dad in a really long time (sort of true). LMS asked why their dad couldn’t ever come to their school. I told her it wasn’t because of anything I had said or done, but because he CHOSE not to come to their sports, activities, musicals. I apologized for his behavior (why do I have to apologize?!) and when we stopped in front of the school and by now they both have tears – I tried to remind them how much I love them and how even though he doesn’t make the effort, there are a lot of people in their lives that they are blessed with who do (MrS, his grandparents, my sister, etc). They just nodded and got out of the car.
I HATE that I had to leave them that way this morning! I HATE that they have to have their heart broken over and over by this slug! Its one thing for him to hurt me – but WHY our daughters?!
Last week we had our follow up court appearance for the whole child support thing. He didn’t show, so as of next Wednesday there will be a warrant issued for his arrest and I was pleased to find out that as long as he’s in the county – they will actively look for him (obviously not a man-hunt, but it’s not just going to be sitting on a computer somewhere). If he leaves the county – like if he ever ACTUALLY goes to school like he said a year and a half ago (yeah right), I will have to have my lawyer work with that county sheriff. Our hope is that he’ll end up in jail and after a few days in there (or whatever they do – not pleasant though I’m sure), we’ll go to him with the offer I’ve discussed before. I’m counting the days…
The upside of them being upset this morning is that as they got out still crying, the walked into the building arm-in-arm totally missed the Kodak moment – dang it!). I’m really happy they have each other for support. I know this is not the last time they will shed tears over this heartless man, but I hope by not “sheltering” them from the truth of who he really is, will help them learn and grow so that they can be less affected by him (like me).
How would you have handled the situation?
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